Sunday, April 26, 2009

I've been tagged!

Thanks to Mere and Macy for the tag!!!

Funniest comic strip? Cathy

What group of people generally have the most informed opinions? Young movie actors.

If you could rule any part of space, which section would you choose: The furthest sector from the one Benjamin Linus rules, and one preferably not affected by Earth’s global warming.

What kind of fish would you least want to fight to the death? A shark. Hands down.

Acid rain or regular rain? Acid Rain

The question is which would you rather be caught in naked? Oh, definitely regular rain.

Most talented actor? Dennis Quaid

Samuria or ninja? I’ve been told I think, speak, and look more like a samurai but my movements are more ninja-ish, so I don’t know. Which do ya’ll think I’m more like?

Dream wingman for cruising state street? William Jefferson Clinton.

Person most able to sell you an Antarctic snipe hunting reserve? Same

Country with the best mail order brides? Is there even a close second to Russia? Dumb question

Favorite book? "Books are for nerds and old people", by Yourmom

Tutes or stinkers? Stinkers

Funniest ad ever? Old Navy’s talking mannequins

Culture with worst sense of humor? Zulu

Most hilarious culture? Judging from Bjork, probably Iceland.

Best New Guinuea dish? To be honest, they are almost all nasty.

Favorite bounty hunter’s wife: Dog the bounty hunter’s wife. I never knew of Bobafett’s wife. Mrs. Dog seems rough, but actually has a certain class about her.

Favorite rapper: Shaq

Actor you most regret leaving the movie business: Again, Shaq.

Your best reality show idea: The Biggest Chunker. 30 waifish runway models are put on a small island made entirely of chocolate for a year. The woman who gains the most weight wins 100 million dollars and a Lane Bryant modeling contract. Also Rod Blagojevich and Joe Biden will play a role, but I’m not sure what yet. There are also tigers (dyed brown to look like fake chocolate tigers) and landmines on the island, and the tigers are wicked-hungry because they don’t eat chocolate.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Barracus Flavius

I have been meaning to write a post about the disgust I feel at the way the Obama Administration, half of congress, and much of the American population is waging war (both covertly and overtly) on people who have gained wealth through industry and intelligence. We will all be screwed if wealthy people are legislated out of existence. But my bro just wrote that post, so I'll link to his here.

In the same vein, here's the quote of the day. Nothing your conservative grandma hasn't e-forwarded to you lately, but it's pithy and true nonetheless.

"You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

Adrian Rogers

Monday, March 30, 2009

I've got news for you,

fancy ladies.

Do you want me to tell you about a store that has even better cupcakes than Sprinkles, Magnolia's Bakery, and Cake Fetish?

It's called the Any Lady With A Betty Crocker Cupcake Mix Made In Her Kitchen Store, and they have franchises in all 50 states!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Zion on my mind

Rebecca and I have talked a couple times lately about where we would like to end up living permanently. I’m going to list my pros and cons of the optional locales and ask you who live in any of them to tell me why you think yours is the awesomest place to be. Ideally we’d like to live in large family centers (Atlanta/Utah), but there are other possibilities.

Awesome outdoors
Lots of little Mormons for our kids to play with.
I love SLC
We’re going to have to make the trek there eventually when everything hits the fan and we need my parents’ 50 yr food storage supply and the Brethren call me to lead the Delta Force River Unit of the Mormon Battalion (hang in there little rotator cuffs; greatness beckons you both). Be honest and tell me that you wouldn’t feel just a titch safer being in Utah when the moon turns red as blood and the 2 prophets are killed in Jeruselam. Lyposuction billboards or not, I’m gonna be wherever Elder Eyring is. I know where I most definitely don’t want to be: Vegas or LA. Good luck not turning into a big tasty salt statue when you’re running away and look back at the mushroom cloud.

Having lived away for a while, everytime I go back, I like Utah less and less and notice the following things I didn’t notice before:
Obnoxious culture (style, hair, specific trends and general trendiness, competitiveness, extreme homogeneity, fake women and self-satisfied dudes, feelings of group superiority, materialism, MLM, etc)
Comely but sucky looking people. Go to any CafĂ© Rio or Target and you feel like you’re at a UVSC party.
Super worldly
Ugly architecture
Some ugly landscape, but some very pretty
Second worst children names in the world (Right behind Watts, LA.)
Excruciatingly bleak-looking winters

Pretty and green
All the barter money we can use (even, i'm told, to buy a house, if it’s under 500K)

Wife hates it
Lots of 2-way racism

Perfect climate
No end of things to do
Constant visitors

So Cal- worldiest place in the world. Makos, blues, and the occasional Great White
Nor Cal- Most liberal place in the world. Waterways dominated by Great Whites.
Both-overcrowded, ridiculously expensive, obnoxious cultures

If you own a Hobie or Esprit t-shirt, you’re the best dressed bloke/sheila in town
The best culture I’ve ever experienced. Educated, active, friendly people who manage to be the most accepting, non judgemental, down to earth folks I know of.
Best climate in the U.S., after SoCal. 4 mild seasons, all with clear blue skies.
Very unworldly, unmaterialistic, uncompetitive.
Good base of Normons
Political diversity

Ugly landscape
Lack of good rivers/lakes
Hard to get entice visitors. “Oh…Albuquerque. Sure we’ll come. Oh, um, actually our summer vacations are booked for the next five years in Siberia, Ethiopia, Evanston, Darfur, and Vernal.”
Business limitations, given the small population and relatively low collective wealth.

Great outdoors
Close to family

Harsh winters

East Coast
Beautiful and green
Great architecture
Big cities

Poison Ivy
Harsh Winters
7 Mormons= 90% chance your girls will be pregnant by 17

The Dirty South
It’s neat to see many of your neighbors featured on the tv show “Cops”
Milder winters
Close to family
Good folks

Poison Ivy

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

China Series

I don't think you people have any idea how large and threatening China is to our way of life. To give you an idea, I'm going to share some staggering statistics in this ongoing series. And please, call your congresspeople and tell them to say "NO" on China.

Next time you're buying your kid a hot dog at the ball park on beautiful summer day, chew on the following:

Fact: China recently passed Japan as the U.S.'s biggest creditor.

Fact: If you had a dollar for every baby born in China last month, you would have become a billionaire by the 19th.

Fact: China's navy has more ships than the U.S. Navy has sailors.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I write an epic post about a very famous movie star in a seminary video and get 4 comments in a week, then my wife writes a lame post about a baby being born and BOOM! 23 comments in 2 days. Whatever. I don't even care.

Here's a link to a great, 1/2 page feature of a dude who runs his charity like he ran his business, with awesome results. This exemplifies why I think every kind of institution (Non-profits, Government, etc.) should be run like businesses. Great business people aren't just great at "business." They're great at solving problems, organizing and motivating people, eliminating inefficiency and waste, and achieving remarkable results. In any sector. Sounds corny, but that's how I feel.

And that is the reason Lon Gibson and I produced (I'm only in the harmony part), and believe in the message in, this video.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Gotham's finest

So the other day we were watching a short movie in seminary. It's called "Sorrow for My Sins," and it's on this year's Seminary New Testament DVD. It's the one where the gal at BYU meets with her bishop for her pre-wedding interview. She talks about how happy she is and how great her fiance is. But over the course of the interview the bishop learns that a certain someone had been doing the devil's bidness with a past boyfriend and the rest of the movie is about her repenting for it. Throughout the movie it shows very quick shots of her strapping blond fiance, with vintage early 90's hair and blue denim shirts, and at the end he has a little speaking role. I kept thinking he looked familiar and then I realized who we were dealing with:

Aaron Eckert. He's been in a lot of stuff, but you might know him best as:

Turns out he was raised LDS, served a mission, and graduated from BYU. He's not active anymore, but still, it's always nice to have some class in our seminary features.